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The short answer
Set one household figure for family support each month, agree how it is split between the two families before anyone asks, and keep a separate emergency pot with a ceiling you both accept. Regular support paid out of income can also fall under the Inheritance Tax exemption for normal expenditure out of income, which GOV.UK says can include financial support for an elderly relative.
For many Nigerian couples in the UK, marriage means two sets of parents, two sets of siblings and two family WhatsApp groups, each with its own expectations. Money sent to one side is noticed by the other. The arguments rarely start with the amount; they start because one partner felt a decision was made without them. A shared system fixes most of that before it begins.
Start from what the household can afford
Work out the family-support figure from your joint take-home pay after the UK essentials, not from what each family hopes to receive. Rent or mortgage, council tax, energy, food, childcare, transport and your own savings come first. What is left is the pool you can share. If family support only happens when there is money left at the end of the month, it will be irregular and both families will feel it.
Worked example (illustrative figures only)
| Line | Monthly |
|---|---|
| Joint take-home pay | £4,200 |
| UK essentials (housing, bills, food, childcare, transport) | £3,000 |
| Own savings | £300 |
| Available for family support | £900 |
| Regular support, her parents | £300 |
| Regular support, his parents | £300 |
| Shared emergency pot (builds up month to month) | £150 |
| Buffer for school fees, ceremonies and one-off requests | £150 |
The split does not have to be equal. One family may have a parent who is ill, or more siblings able to help. What matters is that both partners agreed the split, can say why, and review it on a fixed date, say every six months or when income changes.
Agreeing limits together
A few rules, agreed in a calm moment, save many difficult ones later:
- A single-decision ceiling. Either partner can approve a request up to an agreed amount alone. Above it, you both decide.
- The same rules for both families. If school fees for a nephew are covered on one side, the same principle applies on the other.
- No secret transfers. Each partner can see what goes to each family. Hidden support is the most common source of conflict.
- Who says no. Agree that each partner handles refusals to their own family. A request turned down by a son-in-law lands very differently from one turned down by a son.
- Pay costs, not people, where possible. Paying a hospital, school or landlord directly is easier to explain to both families than a cash sum.
Emergencies and big events
Hospital bills, burials and ceremonies do not respect budgets. The emergency pot exists so you do not have to choose between families in a crisis. Decide in advance what counts as an emergency (illness, death, serious accident) and what does not (most celebrations, business ideas). For big events, decide your contribution early and say it clearly; it is easier to add a little later than to withdraw a promise.
If both families face large costs in the same month, agree a rule for priority, such as medical needs first, then education, then ceremonies, rather than whoever calls first. The guides on building a family emergency fund and sharing funeral costs go further.
It also helps to write the agreement down, even as a note on both phones: the monthly figure, the split, the ceiling, the emergency rules and the review date. When a request arrives, either partner can point to what you both agreed rather than making it personal.
Tax and records
Money you send to support relatives is normally a gift for UK purposes. GOV.UK explains that regular gifts made out of your income, which leave you enough to keep your normal standard of living, can be exempt from Inheritance Tax under the normal expenditure out of income rule, and it gives financial support for an elderly relative as an example. Separately, everyone has a £3,000 annual exemption each tax year. Keeping a record of regular payments helps your executors show the pattern later. This is information, not tax advice; check GOV.UK or an adviser for your own situation.
Food and living costs in Nigeria also move. The National Bureau of Statistics reported that the average price of 1kg of tomatoes rose 6.60% between March and April 2026, so a fixed sterling allowance can buy less within months. Build in a review rather than reacting to each call.
Where Pryme fits
A Pryme account holds pounds and naira together, so you can convert once a month at a rate you see before approving and then send to each family from the same naira balance. Every Personal Account can set up a Personal Assistant to prepare scheduled payments and reminders; nothing moves until you approve. Receipts keep the record both partners can see.
Questions people ask
How do we split money between my parents and my in-laws?
Agree one monthly support figure from what the household can afford, then split it in a way you both accept. Equal is simplest, but need can justify a different split if you both agree.
My spouse sends money to their family without telling me. What can we do?
Agree a single-decision ceiling and a rule that all transfers are visible to both of you. Many couples find a shared monthly review removes the suspicion.
Is money sent to parents in Nigeria taxed in the UK?
Gifts are not income tax for you. For Inheritance Tax, regular support from income can be exempt under the normal expenditure out of income rule, according to GOV.UK. Keep records.
What if both families have emergencies at the same time?
Use an agreed priority order, such as medical first, then education, then ceremonies, and draw from a shared emergency pot rather than the regular allowance.
Sources
- GOV.UK: Inheritance Tax, gifts · accessed Oct 2026
- News Agency of Nigeria: Food prices increase in April 2026 (NBS Selected Food Prices Watch, 3 Jun 2026) · accessed Oct 2026
This article is general information, not financial, legal or tax advice. Products described are provided under the terms on this site and are subject to regulation and eligibility.